We all know the pain that comes after a breakup is pretty damn bad. It’s uncomfortable, it’s unpleasant, and it can shake us to our very heart. And if the split came as a surprise, multiply it by a factor of 10! When we are in the middle of heartbreak, it seems impossible to talk of letting go and going forward without the one we love.
We struggle to hold on to what we know, and what we believe we love and need. This is very human, and hence very natural. The good news is this: in fact, people are pretty darn good at adapting. While it may be difficult to recognize in the midst of heartbreak, at the end of the long dark tunnel of heartbreak and pain, there is light.
And if we might be training ourselves to look a bit differently at the situation?
What if we open ourselves up to the possibility that if we were able to let go of just a little of both – the person we loved and our concrete ideas for our future lives – we could find a Better life in time?
What stuff can you do to move on after breakup and let the pain go forever?
4 Ways to let go and moving on after a breakup
1. After a breakup, let yourself grieve move on.
Death is the termination of a relationship, of sorts. This is the end of your life that you shared with your other important AND the culmination of mutual hopes and dreams – that’s not a small thing! And the loss of this life needs to be grieved, just as there is sorrow over any death.
Not to be skipped of this phase. It can be unpleasant, it can be frustrating – at times it can be a truly bloody agonizing nuisance.
Make no mistake here – the instinct will reach to block and numb the pain! Yet stop the temptation for your own benefit. You are going to do it for yourself.
In grieving, you are doing your future mental and emotional wellbeing a HUGE favor. It is the best thing if you give yourself time and energy to mourn your loss now.
In allowing yourself to feel and handle the feelings as they come along – however, and if they come along, after a breakup, you help to move on.
If a confusing feeling occurs… sit down with it, feel it, breathe it in, process it. So just let it go.
2.Cut the contact with your ex to let the person you loved really go.
Although ‘ remain friends ‘ with your ex may seem a lovely idea, it’s not a good idea, especially in the early stages of your breakup when you need to emotionally distance yourself from him or her and gain acceptance of your new situation.
You need physical space from your partner to be able to fully isolate emotionally and work through your grief in a healthy way.
Do not go to places you used to hang out and do not call or write to him or her when you feel depressed, lonely or in need of support –use your friends or even a professional therapist to do so!
When you resist the urge to ask what they are up to, who they are seeing, and where they are going, you have to work by yourself. Don’t stalk him or her on social media, and don’t ask others about his or her life details.
If you need to be in touch (for example, if you have kids together) concentrate on keeping your interactions straightforward and business-like. Don’t share personal life details.
3.Shift your outlook to move on after a break-up – be honest about your relationship status
Grief is just funny. It can change your perception of reality in some way and make you think your relationship has been much better than it actually was.
And, when you’re in the middle of heartbreak, it’s quite natural for your mind to’ gloss’ about the negative aspects of your ex and relationship, and concentrate only on the positive ones–the good times.
In fact there is no perfect relationship. And chances are, if you go through a divorce, yours has had a fair share of problems, even though you may find it hard to believe right now! So how does that get you through?
By asking yourself very consciously to be rational. Keep yourself in mind that grief may be doing funny things to your brain. Just remind yourself, OVER AND OVER, that the guy you’re missing and pining for–and the situation–is gone for a long time.
That what you’re missing is a dream-NOT the truth. Putting pen to paper here will help –make a list of five or ten items you couldn’t bear about your ex, and won’t miss!
It’s not the end of your story when someone is walking away from you. In your story it is just the end of their life.– Unknown
4.Train YOURSELF to Live. Do what makes you good
Now it’s time to start seeing yourself in a different light, rediscovering YOU –the YOU that may have been missing during your relationship.
After a breakup, feeling lost and wondering when you’ll feel ‘normal’ again is perfectly normal. But here’s the thing -it doesn’t have to be what your ‘normal’ was. It’s time to put together a new normal! To rediscover and Enjoy yourself.